


I don't know if you can ever leave it behind. (I don't know if you have to.)

by DustySoul



Series: The One(s) Where Karen Page is a Black Widow [2]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Black Widow Program, F/F, Karen's dark and mysterious past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 08:57:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4094842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DustySoul/pseuds/DustySoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karen meets Natasha and doesn't get nearly drunk enough off Natasha's vodka. It's the good stuff and it makes her throat burn with memories of their shared past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I don't know if you can ever leave it behind. (I don't know if you have to.)

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on The Letters Karen Page Never Sent and Jamie Grant.
> 
> To summarize for those of you who haven't read them, The Letters establishes that Karen used to be in the black widow program but got out, and that she's not sure how she went from Russia to America. All she knows is that this cover is water tight. This reminded me of the set up I had in the much... looser drabble-y thing I had going on in Jamie Grant. Where Jamie (who you know as Bucky) doesn't remember the first few months after SHEILD and HYDRA fell.
> 
> Natasha watches over Jamie, and it made me think about Natasha asking Karen to watch over Jamie. Which made me think about what if they had to work together on a mission where Karen is just an unlucky bystander.
> 
> The whole... I just... I don't actually know where the weird implied threesome came from.
> 
> I don't understand this thing.  
> And yeah, that's how I got this.

Steve grabs Natasha’s elbow, stopping her from leaving the elevator with everyone else.

“What?” She asks, slipping out of his grasp and looking over her shoulder. 

Steve nods his chin at the petite secretary who trails beside Doctor Banner, listening to whatever it is he’s explaining about the tower, biology, the avengers. She still holds herself - arms crossed over her chest, head angled down, gaze a little unfocused - like she things the shadows might attack her. And like she would be helpless to stop them if they did. “Why did you bring _her_ with you?” The, _A civilian in the tower?_ Goes unspoken.

Natasha stares at him a long time. When she finally comes up with a response,  _Because you need to see what happens to people like her - like Jamie - when they get dragged back in to all this shit._ the silence as gone on for too long and she turns away without answering. She has a good reason. Steve, if he doesn’t think it’s endangering the team, will trust that.

And the woman, Karen Page, is small and blonde and diminutive. And even Natasha, after watching her on this last mission isn’t sure she could be a threat if she wanted to be. Not to them at least.

Once the avengers have regrouped in the common area, Karen says, her words so soft they almost sound like a whisper, “Please tell me there’s alcohol, I need a drink.”

Tony offers her a tumbler of scotch. He doesn’t eye her up or leer at her, Natasha is pleased to note. 

Karen makes a little face at the drink when she holds the tumbler to her mouth. She pulls it back, then reconsiders and says, “I guess beggars can’t be choosy.” And laughs a little before draining it like a shot. She contemplates the crystal of the glass, possibly not aware that most of the others are staring at her.

Natasha walks over with a bottle of vodka. “You’ll like this better.” She passes it over to Karen.

Karen uncorks it an smells. “Mmm-hmm.” Her hands have stopped their trembling the second she’s got her fingers wrapped around the neck. She takes a good swallow of that as well and passes it back to Natasha.

“I think I’ll be the designated driver.”

“I think you’re just saying that because you didn’t bring enough to share.” Karen responds, but she takes another pull straight from the bottle.

And now most of the attention is on Natasha.

She can see questions in both Steve and Tony’s eyes. She can see that Bruce is mildly bewildered, watching Karen maneuver over to a sofa, kick her shoes off, and flop down, still taking intermittent pulls from the bottle. He says, “I don’t think… that was such a good idea.”

“She’ll be fine.” Natasha dismisses.

She can see that Clint’s already caught on. 

She joins Karen on the sofa with an ice water, moments later and the others disperse.

As Karen gets deeper and deeper into the bottle Natasha can see her masks slipping, can see emotions flickering over her face. At some point Karen starts to cry silently, staring blankly at the ceiling. Natasha rubs her legs, stroking from knee to instep over and over again. She is a little surprised at herself, at the steady affection warming her chest. And she doesn’t have the vodka to blame it on.

“You weren’t supposed to ever hate me, I don’t think.” She whispers to Karen. _I don’t think we were ever supposed to care enough to hate._

Karen picks up on the on spoken thought saying, “You weren’t supposed to love me either.”

Miracles of miracles, huh.

A moment later Karen says, “All my thoughts are racing in Russian, and I’m scared.” There’s no emotion in her tone.

“Hmm? What kind of thoughts.”

“Just stupid shit. Target practice. The tests. The training. The before.” She laughs, breathless, edged with pain, the first real, crazy emotion since she started in on the alcohol. “God, that last part wasn’t even real.” She says like a joke but tears roll down her cheeks and her chest heaves.

“< _Little spider, little spider. >_” Natasha coos at her. 

“< ** _Don’t_** _. >” _And in English, slow and controlled, “I want to… stay Karen. Don’t test my control, not now.”

“Now is the safest time you’re going to have, little spider.” She looks up to Clint, meets his eye. 

“That man, the one with the bow.” She says to Karen, still maintaining eye contact with Clint, “He’s trained in how to see when we loose our selves in the programing.”

“But what if… all I was is programing.”

“Then he’ll see it.” She breaks eye contact with Clint, runs both her hands from Karen's instep to her knees. Karen shivers. 

“I’m just saying.” Natasha continues, “You don’t have to hold on so tightly because you’re afraid you’ll hurt someone.”

And Natasha thinks she sees a flicker behind those blue eyes, of a woman who remembers just how cold winter could get in Russia, how much ballet slippers hurt, and what it was to kill a man who loved you.

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to come back.”

“We can handle that. Clint has brought me back more times than I care to think about. And I’ve done the same to him. We can handle it.”

She lets out a steadying breath, and nods. 

And of course Karen knows all of what that means. That even if she could kill Natasha the rest of the team wouldn't let her. It might be one of the only things Karen understands about the idea of _team_.

She takes Karen up to her room, Clint trailing a yard behind, and explains to her the safety protocols, and JARVIS.

" _If something happens, I can handle it. We can handle it."_

And it eases Karen's worry, and she gives into it.

Suddenly biting at Natasha in Russian. And biting at Natasha's lips before they're in the privacy of one of the bedrooms.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to message or follow me on tumblr at dusty-soul.tumblr.com


End file.
